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South African researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known

to science - Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant

neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving

it an atomic mass of 312. They are held together by forces called

morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles

called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert;

however, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which

it comes into contact.



A minute amount of Gv can cause a reaction that would normally take

less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Gv

has a half-life of five years; it does not decay, but undergoes a

reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy

neutrons exchange places.



In fact, Gv's mass increases over time, since each reorganization

causes more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This leads some

scientists to believe that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a critical

level of concentration, referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed

with money, Gv becomes Administratium, an element that radiates as much

energy as Gv since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.