George Carlin New Rules for 2008

Dude hasn't been particularly funny to me in a couple years, but this shit is pretty good....

New Rule:
No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it's for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn't gift giving, it's the white people version of looting.
New Rule:
Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days --- mowing my lawn.
New Rule:
Don't eat anything that's served to you out a window unless you're a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy 's chili. Hey, it cost less than a dollar. What did you expect it to contain...Lobster?
New Rule:
Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: 'Lucky bastards.'
New Rule:
If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're a dope. If you're a kid, the cards are keep sakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.
New Rule:
Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Good, we're done.
New Rule:
There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but, without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.
New Rule:
Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.
New Rule:
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a 'decaf grandee, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low, and One NutraSweet,' ooooh, you're a huge asshole.
New Rule:
I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering My PIN number, pressing 'Enter,' verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want Cash back, and pressing 'Enter' again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up Is standing there eating my Almond Joy.
New Rule:
Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you Spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to 'beef with broccoli.' The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.
New Rule:
Competitive eating isn't a sport. It's one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN Recently televised the U.S Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What's next, competitive farting? Oh wait, they're already doing that. It's called 'The Howard Stern Show.'
New Rule:
I don't need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I'm extra hungry for M&Ms, I'll go nuts and eat two.
New Rule:
If you're going to insist on making movies based on crappy old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what's playing on the other screens. Let's remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn't good enough to be a movie.
New Rule:
And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can't even tell If he's supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don't want to be on your webcam, Dude. I just want to wash my hands!
New Rule:
When I ask how old your toddler is, I don't need to hear '27 months.' 'He's two' will do just fine. He's not a cheese. And I didn't really care in the first place.
New Rule:
If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than Minimum wage, then for God's sake don't pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, 'Do you want fries with that?'

??????????????

OK first off nothing against Israel but can someone please tell me why we are giving them $30 billion in aid????????? Anyone.

New Prediction......

First off fuck republicans! Ok now that, thats clear here it is people:
McCain is going to be nominated for president with Hucabee( fuck it if thats spelled wrong) as his vice-president watch any bets on this one?????

Skycar on ebay...

Somehow I doubt I'd want to fly in this.

Ok...Dude was banging is sister

Ahhhhhh......they are ruined for life....you know he dropped a load on his sisters face at some point before he MARRIED her!!!!!!!

Friday BIAATCH

All the favorites win this weekend...yes?...Yes I think so.....Just watched a superb bootleg of "I am Legend" supplied by my law enforcement compadre....It should have been titled..."I am About to Waste Two Hours of Your Life" I started lighting farts an hour in to pass the time....W. Smith is clearly an accomplished actor, but uhhh......I did catch The Last King of Scotland last night however on HoBO....excellent...F.Whitaker was exceptional....Not sure why I didnt see that in the theaters...yall bull shitten not havin me see that earlier.....Also saw da bootleg of Denzel's Debators flick...it was aaaight...That is my review officially on that..."it was aaaight" Kinda felt like Oprah just wanted to make a movie with all black folfs in it with the traditional racism backdrop....Real story ofcourse, good acting ofcourse, but "it was just aaight"

The truth...

Why we still need the death penalty...

Fucking piece of shit father.

He needs two rounds in the back of the head and a burial in the city dump.

Who would have thought playing soccer and especially English Premier League soccer would be so gratifying. I should played soccer instead of football.

Just one day in American news.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22565251/

NEW YORK - Two men wheeled a dead man through the streets in an office chair to a check-cashing store Tuesday and tried to cash his Social Security check before being arrested on fraud charges, police said.

David J. Dalaia and James O'Hare pushed Virgilio Cintron's body from the Manhattan apartment that O'Hare and Cintron shared to Pay-O-Matic, about a block away, spokesman Paul Browne said witnesses told police.

"The witnesses saw the two pushing the chair with Cintron flopping from side to side and the two individuals propping him up and keeping him from flopping from side to side," Browne said.

The men left Cintron's body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check, Browne said. The store's clerk, who knew Cintron, asked the men where he was, and O'Hare told the clerk they would go and get him, Browne said.

A police detective who was having lunch at a restaurant next to the check-cashing store noticed a crowd forming around Cintron's body, and "it's immediately apparent to him that Cintron is dead," Browne said.

The detective called uniformed New York Police Department officers at a nearby precinct. Emergency medical technicians arrived as O'Hare and Dalaia were preparing to wheel Cintron's body into the check-cashing store, Browne said. Police arrested Dalaia and O'Hare there, he said.

Cintron's body was taken to a hospital morgue. The medical examiner's office told police it appeared Cintron, 66, had died of natural causes within the previous 24 hours, Browne said.

"He was deceased in the apartment when he was removed by these two," Browne said.

Dalaia and O'Hare, both 65, were being held by police and faced check fraud charges, Browne said.

A call to a telephone number listed for Cintron at the apartment he shared with O'Hare went unanswered Tuesday evening. Police said they didn't have an address for Dalaia or attorney information for him or O'Hare.

Now lets move onto this:

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22571349/

NEW ORLEANS - Hurricane Katrina's victims have put a price tag on their suffering and it is staggering — including one plaintiff seeking the unlikely sum of $3 quadrillion.

The total number — $3,014,170,389,176,410 — is the dollar figure so far sought from some 489,000 claims filed against the federal government over damage from the failure of levees and flood walls following the Aug. 29, 2005, hurricane.

Of the total number of claims, the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers said it has received 247 for at least $1 billion apiece, including the one for $3 quadrillion.

"That's the mother of all high numbers," said Loren Scott, a Baton Rouge-based economist.

For the sake of perspective: A mere $1 quadrillion would dwarf the U.S. gross domestic product, which Scott said was $13.2 trillion in 2007. A stack of one quadrillion pennies would reach Saturn.

Some residents may have grossly exaggerated their claims to send a message to the corps, which has accepted blame for poorly designing the failed levees.

"I understand the anger," Scott said. "I also understand it's a negotiating tactic: Aim high and negotiate down."

Daniel Becnel, Jr., a lawyer who said his clients have filed more than 60,000 claims, said measuring Katrina's devastation in dollars and cents is a nearly impossible task.

"There's no way on earth you can figure it out," he said. "The trauma these people have undergone is unlike anything that has occurred in the history of our country."

The corps released zip codes, but no names, for the 247 claims of at least $1 billion. The list includes a $77 billion claim by the city of New Orleans. Fourteen involve a wrongful death claim. Fifteen were filed by businesses, including several insurance companies.

Little is known about the person who claimed $3 quadrillion. It was filed in Baker, 93 miles northwest of New Orleans. Baker is far from the epicenter of Katrina's destruction, but the city has a trailer park where hundreds of evacuees have lived since the storm.

Katrina, which is blamed for more than 1,600 deaths in Louisiana and Mississippi, is considered the most destructive storm to ever hit the U.S. It caused at least $60 billion in insured losses and could cost Gulf Coast states up to $125 billion, according to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration.

Most of the claims were filed before a deadline that coincided with Katrina's second anniversary, but the Corps is still receiving them — about 100 claims have arrived over the past three weeks — and is feeding them into a computer database.

The Corps said it isn't passing judgment on the merits of each claim. Federal courts are in charge of deciding if a claim is valid and how much compensation is warranted.

"It's important to the person who filed it, so we're taking every single claim seriously," Corps spokeswoman Amanda Jones said.

PREDICTION.......

John McCain will get the republican nomination for president. I've said it since bush got re-elected. After asking him(McCain) to speak at th RNC (republican national convention) McCain looked very uncomfortable with saying what he said but I bet was promised the nomination if he did. Just wait and see. Comments?

FOX Overtime Snafu Or Intentional FCC Violaton?

And here it is just in case there was any lingering doubt

Best commercial ever

Directed by the best director ever: Michael Mann

Watch bugs kick each others asses

http://www.japanesebugfights.com/

There's some weird hornet in there that kills everything else!

Economics...

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/247676/Canadian_Software_Lets_You_Turn_One_Computer_Into_Two_Completely_Free

This is how we make economical computer labs!!!

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For those of you working for "the man" this is a reminder of what he really looks like!!

Number one Quote of 2007 - And my two words to sum it up....

"I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because some people out there in our nation don't have maps and I believe that our education like such as in South Africa and Iraq and everywhere like such as and I believe that they should our education over here in the U.S. should help the U.S. or should help South Africa and should help Iraq and the Asian countries so we will be able to build up our future for us."
-Lauren Upton, the South Carolina contestant in the Miss Teen America contest when asked why one-fifth of Americans are unable to locate the United States on a map.

Bet you her dumb ass has some....GOOD PUSSY!!!!!!!

Awesome Article On Illegal Immigration Law In Arizona

I would love to get your insights and comments on this. The article is great, it calls out our current lousy ass president, it shows how shitty immigration policies that already exist are enforced, and most importantly it points out the many problem and perceived problems with illegal immigrants. Of course a significant percentage of illegal immigrants are not border crossers, but people that have visited and overstayed their visas. So NO building a bigger fence is not the solution. This article to me provides the solution

Best College Player Ever?

Red Grange...the best college player ever? Come on dog....come on....Even if shit was relative to an era...Come on dog....come the hell on....I saw 3 little kids in Pop Warner this summer that could get a buck 50 a game in the 1930's...And they put that cat a head of Barry Sanders....come on dog....come on....Bo Jackson has sperm faster than that dude in the 1930's.....come on dog....come on....Funny, in ALLLLLLL those clips of that cat in the 1930's...Didn't see NOOOOOOOOOOOOO Brothas....come on dog......come on

Just in case you have not seen Leno lately